- 2007: 17 and pregnant
- 2008: 16 and pregnant
- 2009: 15 and pregnant
- 2010: 14 and pregnant
- 2011: 13 and pregnant
- 2012: 12 and pregnant
- ...
- 2023: fetus and pregnant
All of these flashbacks are like consuming me. Like why? It’s like the minute I start to become sane and want to go to sleep, my mistake is like “lol no” and mindfucks me. I know what I did was wrong and it eats me up everyday. It’s a win or lose situation but in my case, I got both. I did the steps I could in order to have closure and it worked for the most part but it’s still…..there. What upsets me the most is all of the stuff I knew about it. I was told ALL of this information which made everything harder and the world was just jumping on my shoulders. That was the worst day of my life. That entire night was just torture and it was never ending….and I was completely alone. I feel that I’m the only one suffering from this when it’s a two way thing. But guys are utterly different from females, they don’t really go through anything or deal the same as we do. With me, the fact that I put my life in danger a few times can’t be normal….although, many have gone through with it and succeeded. But I can’t, I can’t grant myself the courage to. Only memories I keep thinking about is when I would talk to her crying, begging her to forgive me, singing to her, etc etc and the actual day. It’s just, I’m still heartbroken. I’m obligated to speak to someone about it but I don’t want to. I’d rather talk to someone who’s been there the entire time and knows, but then again, that’s nobody. Only God can save me right now.
AT FIRST:
BUT THEN:
